Thursday, May 3, 2012

Confidence (and lack of sleep)

Last night, we had one of, if not the worst storms I've ever experienced my whole entire life. I'm sure it seemed worse because it was dark, but I don't recall ever seeing so much lightning, and long lightning-it was freaky. (At one point, I ran to the bathroom with my eyes closed.) And it didn't seem to cool down from the 80 degrees we had all day. It was humid, loud, scary- we might as well have been in the deep south (ha jk, mom). Needless to say, the boyfriend and I got about 2-3 hours of sleep. (I'm pretty sure Duke slept like a baby because he's just full of energy this morning). I, however, went back to sleep after the boyfriend left for work (bless his heart) and woke up at 9:30am- I do remember looking at the clock and saying "No it isn't." which seems to be my new thing- I also said it when I saw a snake on the front porch yesterday. PS- How's that for terrible luck?! My two least favorite things, snakes and thunderstorms at night, in the same day! Sheesh.
Anyways! I came across this quote this morning while relaxing that describes what I feel like I'm going through these days and wanted to share it with y'all.

In moving back to PA, graduating from college, getting a promotion, moving into a real house with my boyfriend, buying my first car, getting a dog, etc, etc. I'm finding more and more out about myself. Things I like, admire, want to be, things I hate, people I look up do, characteristics in myself I never knew I had, characteristics in others I do not want, how I conduct myself in certain situations, how to love the present, where I think I want to go, how I can get there, and what to do in the meantime. While it's mostly scary, it's also very exciting. The boyfriend and I have come a long a way and have many things to look forward to. And these things are helping me shape just who I am, and want to be. And with that, comes confidence- something I severely lacked in the past (although you might not know it from the way I talked ha). And I think that comes from not really knowing who I was. I was always comparing myself to others and seeing what (I thought) I lacked, instead of seeing what great qualities I did have, and those that I was developing. I also think it had a lot to do with what I was doing. Not a lot of admirable things. Nowadays though, I've accomplished a lot (quite a bit more than a lot of people my age, and even some older than me). And I've surrounded myself with the right people (unlike in the past- not everyone was bad! And those that were good have stuck with me.) I have quite the support group. It may be small but it's all that I need and I couldn't be more thankful (quality over quantity, I've found). Which not only feels good, but is teaching me who I am. And who I am becoming. So while I try on different lives, I can be sure of how I will be during these "fittings" because I can be sure of myself. Don't get me wrong- I have my moments/days when I'm constantly questioning myself. But I'm growing up and working towards being a better me, and it (finally) feels pretty dang good.

And this is what happens when your sleep schedule gets a little wanky! :)

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