Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Lack of posts...and control.

I feel like I've started so many posts with "sorry for the lack of posts lately" but the truth is, I haven't been able to dedicate as much of my free time to this blog as I'd like. Not even close. And that's because from the months of May through August (and now into September and October), I work a lot. Most weeks, for six days out of the seven. And sometimes those days consist of a midnight to 8 am shift. And it takes it out of you.
The last overnight shift I had hit me hard. I'm actually still recovering even though it's been over a week now. I don't really know what happened, but it all seemed to hit me at once and I was down for the rest of the week and even into this week. Which really stunk because my family came up yesterday. I'd love to have more energy during this time of the year to enjoy this weather, my family, the boyfriend, my puppy, this house, etc. But I'm just exhausted. Which doesn't help when an overload of emotions comes along. Or my lack of patience for things to happen and get done.
My family can read me like a book. And could see what was going on. And when I was doing nothing but sitting in my chair at work and the whole room started spinning, my mom called it fatigue and told me to call it quits. She reminded me that I can't control everything. And that I have to stop trying. Waiting on other people makes me crazy. And lately, that seems like all I can do. Which makes me even more loopy. I have no patience and when I want something, I want done right and now. So when I can't do anything to move things along and get them done, I get a little cranky.
I've got to stop. And sit back and look at what I have, now. It's good to have things to work on and look forward to. But my parents told me yesterday to take a break and enjoy right now. Otherwise, I'm going to miss it. And they're right. It's exhausting waiting and wondering and planning. While it's good to have plans and be on top of things, I need to be productive in other ways. By being happy and enjoying the things I have and those around me.
It's something I'm working on (among other things). But enjoying doing.

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